How to Train Your Dragon Page 4

  After breakfast, Hiccup went to sit on the front step beside his grandfather, who was smoking a pipe. It was a beautiful, cold, clear winter's morning, with not a breath of wind and the sea all around as flat as glass.

  Old Wrinkly blew out smoke rings content-I edly as he watched the sun coming up. Hiccup shivered and chucked stones into the bracken. Neither of them spoke for a long time.

  At last Hiccup said, "I got that dragon."

  "I said you would, didn't I?" replied Old Wrinkly,

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  very pleased with himself. Old Wrinkly had taken up soothsaying in his old age, mostly unsuccessfully. Looking into the future is a complicated business. So he was particularly pleased that he'd gotten this right.

  "Something extraordinary, you said," complained Hiccup. "A truly unusual dragon, you said. An animal that would really make me stand out in the crowd."

  "Absolutely," agreed Old Wrinkly. "The entrails were undeniable."

  "The only extraordinary thing about this dragon," continued Hiccup, "is how extraordinarily SMALL it is. In that it is super-unusual. I'm even more of a laughingstock than ever."

  "Oh, dear," said Old Wrinkly, chuckling in a wheezy way over his pipe.

  Hiccup looked at him reproachfully. Old Wrinkly hurriedly turned the laugh into a cough.

  "Size is all relative, Hiccup," said Old Wrinkly. "ALL of these dragons are super-small compared to a real Sea Dragon. A REAL Sea Dragon is fifty times as big as that little creature. A real Sea Dragon from the bottom of the ocean can swallow ten large Viking ships in one gulp and not even notice.

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  A real Sea Dragon is a cruel, careless mystery like the mighty ocean itself, one moment calm as a scallop, the next raging like an octopus."

  "Well, here on Berk," said Hiccup, "where we haven't any Sea Dragons to compare anything with, my dragon is just considerably smaller than everybody else's. You are getting off the point."

  "Am I?" asked Old Wrinkly.

  "The point is, I just don't see how I am ever going to become a Hero," said Hiccup gloomily. "I am the least Heroic boy in the whole Hooligan Tribe."

  "Oh.pshaw, this ridiculous Tribe," fumed Old Wrinkly. "Okay, so you are not what we call a born Hero. You're not big and tough and charismatic like Snotlout. But you're just going to have to work at it. You're going to have to learn how to be a Hero the Hard Way.

  "Anyway," said Old Wrinkly, "it might be just what this Tribe needs, a change in leadership style. Because the thing is, times are changing. We can't get away with being bigger and more violent than everybody else any more. IMAGINATION. That's what they need and what you've got. A Hero of the Future is going to have to be clever and cunning, not just a big

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  lump with overdeveloped muscles. He's going to have to stop everyone quarreling among themselves and get them to face the enemy together."

  "How am I going to persuade anybody to do anything?" asked Hiccup. "They've started calling me HICCUP THE USELESS. That is not a great name for a Military Leader."

  "You have to see the bigger picture, Hiccup," continued Old Wrinkly, ignoring him. "You're called a few names. You're not a natural at Bashyball. Who cares? These are very little problems in the grand scheme of things."

  "It's all very well for you to say they are little problems," said Hiccup crossly, "but I have a LOT of little problems. I have to train this super-small dragon in time for Thor'sday Thursday or be thrown out of the Hairy Hooligan Tribe forever."

  "Ah, yes," said Old Wrinkly, thoughtfully. "There's a book on this subject, isn't there? Remind me, how does the great Professor of Meathead University think you should train a dragon?"

  "He thinks you should yell at it," said Hiccup, gloomily chucking stones again. "Show the beast who is Master by the sheer charismatic force of your

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  personality that sort of thing. I have about as much charisma as a stranded jellyfish and yelling is just another thing I am useless at."

  "Ye-e-es," said Old Wrinkly, "but maybe you'll have to train your dragon the Hard Way. You know a very great deal about dragons, don't you, Hiccup? All that dragon-watching you've been doing over the years?"

  "That's a secret," said Hiccup, uncomfortably.

  "I've seen you talking to them," said Old Wrinkly.

  "That's NOT TRUE," protested Hiccup, going bright red in the face.

  "Okay, then," soothed Old Wrinkly, calmly smoking his pipe, "it's not true."

  There was silence for a bit.

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  "It is true," admitted Hiccup, "but for Thor's sake don't tell anybody, they wouldn't understand."

  "Talking to dragons is a highly unusual skill," said Old Wrinkly. "Maybe," he said, "you can train a dragon better by talking to it than by yelling at it."

  "That's sweet," said Hiccup, "and a very touching thought. However, a dragon is not a fluffy creature like a dog or a cat or a pony. A dragon is not going to do what you say just because you ask it pretty please. From what I know about dragons," said Hiccup, "I should say that yelling was a pretty good method."

  "But it has its limitations, doesn't it?" Old Wrinkly pointed out. "I would say that yelling was highly effective on any dragon smaller than a sea lion. And positively suicidal if you try it on anything larger. Why don't you come up with some alternative training schemes yourself? You might be able to add something to Professor Yobbish's book. I've often thought that that book needs a little something extra ... I can't quite put my finger on it. . ."

  "WORDS," said Hiccup. "That book needs a lot more words."

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  Chapter6 MEANWHILE, DEEP IN THE OCEAN...

  Meanwhile, deep in the ocean, but not so very far from the Isle of Berk, a real Sea Dragon such as Old Wrinkly had been describing lay sleeping on the sea-bed. He was indescribably large. He had been there so long that he almost seemed to be part of the ocean floor itself, a great underwater mountain, covered in shells and barnacles, some of his limbs half-buried in the sand.

  Generation after generation of little hermit crabs had been born and had died in this Dragon's ears. Hundreds and hundreds of years he'd slept, because he'd had rather a large meal. He'd had the luck to catch a Roman Legion camping on a clifftop -- they were completely cut off and he had spent an enjoyable afternoon wolfing down the whole lot of them, from commanding officer to lowliest private. Horses, chariots, shields, and spears, the entire lot went down the ravenous, reptilian gullet. And, while things such as golden chariot wheels are an additional source of fiber to a Dragon's diet, they do take some time to digest.

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  The Dragon had crawled down into the depths of the ocean and gone into a Sleep Coma. Dragons can stay in this suspended state for eternity, half-dead, half-alive, buried under fathom after fathom of icy-cold seawater. Not a muscle of this particular Dragon had moved for six or seven centuries.

  But the previous week, a Killer Whale who had chased some seals unexpectedly deep was surprised to notice a slight movement in the upper eyelid of the dragon's right eye. An ancestral memory stirred in the whale's brain and he swam away from there as fast as his fins could carry him. And, a week later, the sea around the Dragon Mountain -- which had previously been teeming with crabs and lobsters and shoals and shoals of fish -- was a great, underwater desert. Not a mollusk stirred, not a scallop shimmied.

  The only sign of life for miles and miles was the rapid jerking of both the Dragon's eyelids, fluttering up and down as if the Dragon had suddenly gone into a lighter sleep and was dreaming who knows what dark dreams.

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  Chapter 7 TOOTHLESS WAKES UP

  Toothless woke up about three weeks later. Fishlegs and Hiccup were at Hiccup's house. Everybody else was out, so Hiccup decided to take the opportunity to check on Toothless's basket. He pulled it out from under the bed. A thin plume of bluish gray smoke was drifting out from under the lid.

  Fishlegs whistled. "He's awake all right," said Fishlegs. "Here we go."

  Hiccup ope
ned the basket.

  The smoke billowed out and made Hiccup and Fishlegs cough. Hiccup fanned it away. Once his eyes had stopped watering he could make out a very small, ordinary dragon looking up at him with enormous, innocent, grass-green eyes.

  "Hello, Toothless1," said Hiccup, in what he hoped was a good accent in Dragonese.

  "What are you doing?" asked Fishlegs curiously. Dragonese is punctuated by shrill shrieks and popping

  [Footnote: 'This should, of course, read "Howiieeliooiieetiere, Toothless," but I have translated it into English for the benefit of those readers whose Dragonese is a bit rusty. Please read Hiccup's book, Learning to Speak Dragonese, for a crash course in this fascinating language.]

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  [ Learning to speak Dragonese

  Introduction

  In ORDER train your dragon without using the traditional methods of yelling at it, you must first learn to speak dragonese . Dragons are the only other creatures who speak a languages as complicated and sophisticated as humans

  Here are some common dragon phrases to get you started

  Nee-an crappa inna di hoosus pishyou

  No pooing inside the house please

  Mi Mana no likeit yum yum on di bum

  My mother does not like to be

  Bitten on the bottom

  Fishyou keendle gobha oot mi freeundlee?

  Please would you be so kind as to spit my friend out?

  Doit a wummortime

  Let's try that again]

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  noises and sounds MOST extraordinary when spoken by a human.

  "Just talking to it," mumbled Hiccup, very embarrassed.

  "Just talking to it???" gasped Fishlegs, in astonishment. "What do you mean, you're talking to it? Ifou can't talk to it, it's an ANIMAL, for Trior's sake!"

  "Oh shut up, Fishlegs," said Hiccup, impatiently, "you're frightening it."

  Toothless huffed and puffed and blew out some smoke rings. He inflated his neck to make himself look bigger, which is something dragons do when they are scared or angry.

  Eventually he got up the courage to unfurl his wings and flap up onto Hiccup's arm. He walked his way up on to Hiccup's shoulder and Hiccup turned his face toward him.

  Toothless pressed his forehead onto Hiccup's forehead and gazed deeply and solemnly into Hiccup's eyes. They stayed there, snout to nose, without moving, for about sixty seconds. Hiccup had to blink a lot because the gaze of a dragon is hypnotic and gives the unnerving feeling that it is sucking your soul away.

  Hiccup was just thinking, "Wow, this is amazing --

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  I'm really making contact here!" when Toothless bent down and bit him on the arm.

  Hiccup let out a yelp and threw Toothless off him. "F-f-flsii," hissed Toothless, hovering in the air in front of Hiccup. "W-w-w-want fish HOW!"

  "I haven't got any fish," said Hiccup in Dragonese, rubbing his arm. Luckily Toothless didn't have any teeth, but dragons have powerful jaws so it was still painful. Toothless bit him on the other arm. "F-F-F-FISH!" said Toothless again.

  "Are you okay?" asked Fishlegs. "I can't believe I'm asking this, but what's he saying?"

  "He wants to eat," replied Hiccup, grimly rubbing both arms. He tried to make his voice sound firm but pleasant; to dominate the creature by the sheer force of his personality, as Gobber had said. "But WE HAVE N0 FISH."

  "Okaythen," said Toothless. "Eat e-c-cat."

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  He made a lunge for Fiddlesticks, who streaked up the nearest wall with a yowl of terror.

  Hiccup just managed to grab Toothless by the tail as he flew off in pursuit. The dragon struggled wildly, shouting "WABT F-F-FISH BOW! WABT F-F-FOOD NOW! CATS ARE TOMMX WABT FOOD BOW!"

  "We don't HAVE any fish," repeated Hiccup, from between gritted teeth, feeling all his calmness deserting him, "and you can't eat tie cat- I like him."Fiddlesticks mewed indignantly from a beam high up in the roof.

  They put Toothless in Stoick's bedroom, where there was a mouse problem.

  For a while he was happy swooping after the desperately squeaking mice, but then he got bored and started attacking the mattress.

  "STOP!" yelled Hiccup as feathers flew in all directions.

  Toothless replied by throwing up the remains of a recently deceased mouse right in the middle of Stoick's pillow.

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  "Aaaargh!" said Hiccup.

  "AAAAAAARGH!" said Stoick the Vast, who entered the room at that very moment.

  Toothless launched himself at Stoick the Vast's beard, which he mistook for a chicken.

  "Get him off!" said Stoick.

  "He doesn't do what I say," said Hiccup.

  "Yell VERY LOUDLY at him," Stoick shouted, YERY LOUDLY.

  Hiccup yelled as loudly as he could. "Please will you stop eating my father's beard?"

  As Hiccup had suspected, Toothless took absolutely no notice whatsoever.

  I KNEW I'd be useless at yelling, thought Hiccup gloomily.

  "DROPTOTHEFLOORYOUORRRIBLELIT-TLEREPTILE!" yelled Stoick.

  Toothless dropped to the floor.

  "You see?" said Stoick. "That's how to deal with dragons."

  Newtsbreath and Hookfang, Stoick's hunting dragons, came padding into the room. Toothless stiffened as they paced around him, their yellow eyes glinting evilly. Each was about the size of a leopard, and

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  they were as delighted by his arrival as a couple of giant cats might be by that of a cute little kitten.

  "Greetings, fellow firebreather," hissed Newtsbreath as he gave the wriggling newcomer a sniff.

  "We must wait," purred Hookfang menacingly, "until we are alone and then we can give you a proper welcome." He gave a vicious swipe at Toothless with one paw. A claw like a kitchen knife just nicked Toothless on the rump and the little dragon howled and jumped into Hiccup's tunic, until only his tail was poking out of the neck.

  "HOOKFANG!" bellowed Stoick.

  "My claw slipped," whined Hookfang.

  "GEDDOUTOFHEREBEFOREIMAKEYOUIK-TOHANDBAGS!" yelled Stoick, and Newtsbreath and Hookfang slunk out, muttering obscene dragon curses under their breaths.

  "As I was saying," said Stoick the Vast. "THAT'S how to deal with dragons."

  Stoick was looking at Toothless with uncharacteristic anxiety.

  "Son," said Stoick, hoping there might be some sort of mistake, "is this dragon your dragon?"

  "Yes, father," Hiccup admitted.

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  "It's very . . . well. . . it's very . . . SMALL, isn't it?" said Stoick slowly.

  Stoick was not an observant person but even he could not fail to notice that this dragon really was remarkably small.

  "... and it hasn't got any teeth."

  There was an awkward silence.

  Fishlegs came to Hiccup's rescue.

  "That's because it's an unusual breed," said Fishlegs. "A unique and . . . er . . . violent species called the Toothless Daydream, distant relations of the

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  Monstrous Nightmare, but far more ruthless and so rare they are practically extinct."

  "Really?" Stoick surveyed the Toothless Daydream doubtfully. "It looks just like a Common or Garden to me."

  'Ahhh, but with respect, Chief," said Fishlegs, "that's where you're WRONG. To the amateur eye and, indeed, to its prey, it looks exactly like a Common or Garden. But if you look a little closer the characteristic Daydream marking" -- Fishlegs pointed to a wart on the end of Toothless's nose -- "marks it out from the more ordinary breed."

  "By Thor, you're right!" said Stoick.

  "And it's not just your average Toothless Daydream either." Fishlegs was getting carried away now. "This particular dragon is of ROYAL BLOOD."

  "No!" said Stoick, very impressed. Stoick was a terrific snob.

  ""Yes," said Fishlegs solemnly. "Your son has only gone and burgled the offspring of King Daggerfangs himself, the reptilian ruler of Wild Dragon Cliff. The Royal Daydreams tend to start out small but they grow into creature
s of IMPRESSIVE -- even

  GARGANTUAN --size."

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  "Just like you, eh, Hiccup," said Stoick, giving a great laugh and ruffling his son's hair.

  Stoick's tummy gave out a plaintive rumble like a distant underground explosion. "Time for a little supper, I think. Clear up this mess, will you, boys?"

  Stoick strode off, relieved to have had his faith in his son restored.

  "Thanks, Fishlegs," said Hiccup. "You were inspired."

  "Not at all," said Fishlegs. "I owed you one after setting you up for that fight with Snotlout."

  "Father's going to find out at some point anyway, though," said Hiccup gloomily.

  "Not necessarily," said Fishlegs. "Look at all that talking you were doing with the Toothless Daydream here. That was INCREDIBLE. UNBELIEVABLE. I've never seen anything like it. You'll be training him in next to no time."

  "I was talking to him, all right," said Hiccup, "but he didn't listen to a word I said."

  When he was going to bed that night, Hiccup didn't want to leave Toothless in front of the fire with Newtsbreath and Hookfang.

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  "Can I take him to bed with me?" he asked Stoick.

  "A dragon is a working animal," said Stoick the Vast. "Too much hugging and kissing will make him lose his vicious streak."

  "But Newtsbreath will kill him if I leave him alone with them."

  Newtsbreath gave an appreciative growl. "It would. be m y pleasure ," he hissed.

  "Nonsense," boomed Stoick, unaware of Newts-breath's last remark, as he didn't speak Dragonese. Hegave Newtsbreath a friendly cuff round the horns. "Newtsbreath just wants to play. That sort of rough-and-tumble is good for a young dragon. Makes him learn to stick up for himself." Hookfang extended his claws like switchblades and drummed them on the hearth.