How to Train Your Dragon Read online

  He dropped the mackerel at Hiccup's feet, did three somersaults in a row, and landed on Hiccup's head. He let out the dragon's cry of triumph, which is a bit like a rooster

  99

  crowing but a lot louder and more self-satisfied.

  Then he leaned over and stared into Hiccup's eyes, upside down.

  "Now t-t-tell me a joke," said Toothless.

  "Whimpering Wodens," said Hiccup. "He did it. He really did it."

  "T-t-tell me a, JOKE," said Toothless again.

  "What's black and white and red all over?" asked Hiccup.

  Toothless didn't know.

  "A sunburned penguin," replied Hiccup.

  It was a very, very old joke, but apparently it hadn't made it to Wild Dragon Cliff. Toothless thought it was hysterically funny.

  He flew off to catch more fish so he could hear more jokes.

  It was an enjoyable afternoon. The rain stopped, the sun shone, and Toothless didn't do too badly at all with the hunting. He dropped a few fish and, at one point, wandered off entirely to chase rabbits on the clifftops. But he came back when Hiccup called, eventually, and by the end of a couple of hours he had caught six medium-sized mackerel and a dogfish.

  100

  All in all, Hiccup was pretty satisfied.

  "After all," he said to Fishlegs, "it's not like I'm expecting to win the prize for Most Promising Dragon or anything. All I need is to show that Toothless is basically under my control and for him to catch a few fish. We'll make fools of ourselves compared to Snotlout and his beastly Hunting Legend, but at least we'll have passed Initiation."

  What was more, as Toothless dropped the last mackerel on the heap in front of Hiccup, Fishlegs noticed something sharp and gleaming in the dragon's lower jaw.

  "Toothless has gotten his first tooth!" said Fishlegs.

  It seemed a very good omen.

  101

  As they staggered home they passed Old Wrinkly, who had been sitting on a rock watching them for the past couple of hours.

  "Ve-ry impressive," wheezed Old Wrinkly as the boys showed him the fish wrapped up in Hiccup's cloak.

  "We reckon Hiccup really might pass the Final Initiation Test on Thor'sday Thursday," said Fishlegs excitedly.

  "So you're still worrying about that piddly little Test, are you, Hiccup?" asked Old Wrinkly. "There are larger concerns, you know. There's a gi-normous storm brewing up, for instance. It should hit us in about three days."

  "Piddly little Test?" said Fishlegs indignantly. "What do you mean, piddly little Test??? The Thor'sday Thursday Festival is the biggest event of the year. EVERYBODY who is ANYBODY will be there, all the Hairy Hooligans AND the Meatheads. Plus, this may not seem important to YOU, but anybody who fails this piddly little Test gets put into exile to get eaten up by cannibals or something equally gruesome."

  "I'm going to call myself HICCUP THE USEFUL and his dragon TOOTHFULL," said Hiccup,

  102

  beaming. "I thought of it just now and I'm really pleased with it. It's solid, dependable, not too flashy and not too much to live up to."

  "This reptile finally got his act together and caught some fish," said Fishlegs, pointing at Toothless, who was picking his nose with one claw. "Incredible though it may seem, Hiccup may pass this Test after all."

  "Oh, I think it's almost a certainty," said Old Wrinkly, looking at Toothless, who was now attempting to cross his eyes and was falling down in the process.

  "Al-most," repeated Old Wrinkly thoughtfully.

  And the boys went home, with Toothless following behind them whining, "Ok C-C -CARRY ME, CARRY ME ... it's not f-f-fair ... my wings ache...."

  103

  Chapter 10 THOR'SDAY THURSDAY

  The Thor'sday Thursday Celebrations were a truly spectacular occasion. The Hairy Hooligans' fierce rivals, the Meatheads, from the nearby Meathead Islands, sailed across the Inner Ocean to the Isle of Berk for this great gathering.

  The visitors set up camp in Black Heart Bay, which turned overnight from an empty desert of echoing seagulls into a bustling village of tents made out of sails too patched to be used at sea anymore.

  By the next morning the Long Beach was packed with stalls and jugglers and fortune tellers. There was a happy confusion of Vikings spotting old friends, and practicing their sword play, and yelling at the children to stop hitting each other RIGHT NOW for Thor's sake no I REALLY MEAN IT this time . . . or ... or ... or .. . ELSE.

  Vast Viking men sat on uncomfortable rocks

  104

  [ WELCOME TO THE THOR'SDAY THURSDAY CELEBRATION

  Program of events

  9:00 Hammer-throwing for the Over-GOs only.

  Meet up at the Marooner's Rock with your own hammer or somebody else's (hard hats essential for spectators).

  10:30 How Many Gulls' Eggs Can You Eat in One Minute?

  11:30 Ugliest Baby Contest

  Baggybum the Beerbelly is the defending champion in this hotly contested competition.

  12:30 Axe-fighting Display Admire the delicate art of fighting with axes.

  2:00 Young Heroes Final Initiation Test

  Watch tomorrow's Viking Heroes as they compete

  Whose dragon will be the most obedient, and whose will catch the most fish? Blood, teeth, loud yelling -this sport has everything;

  3:30 Grand Raffle and Closing Ceremony]

  105

  guffawing loudly like gigantic sea lions in a holiday mood. Impressively large Viking women huddled in groups cackling like seagulls and downing whole mugs of tea in one swallow.

  Despite Old Wrinkly's gloomy forecasts of terrible storms and typhoons, it was a gloriously hot June day with not even a hint of a cloud in the offing.

  The Young Heroes Final Initiation Test would not start until 2 P.M. that afternoon, so Hiccup spent the morning listening round-eyed to storytellers telling tall tales of Dirty Danes and pirate princesses.

  He was sick with nerves, so he found it difficult to enjoy the occasion as much as he had in previous years.

  Even Gobber throwing up during the How Many Gulls' Egg You Eat in One Minute?

  competition failed to raise more than a faint smile on his pale, tense face.

  Hiccup's family had a picnic lunch overlooking the Axe-fighting Display. Hiccup could not eat a thing, and nor, unusually, could Toothless, who was in a difficult mood and turned his nose up at the tuna sandwich Valhallarama offered.

  106

  "Good to keep your dragon's appetite sharp for the game," boomed Stoick the Vast, who was in an excellent mood. He had won a bet on Goggletoad in the Ugliest Baby Contest and was looking forward to seeing his son's brilliant display during the Initiation Test.

  As the day wore on, a hot wind suddenly started blowing out of nowhere. It was still sweltering, but ominous gray clouds were gathering on the horizon. There was the odd rumble of thunder in the air.

  Maybe Old Wrinkly had been right, thought Hiccup as he gazed upward, and Thor is going to put in his traditional appearance at the Thor'sday Thursday celebrations.

  "P-P-P-P-A-R-P! Will all youths hoping to be initiated into the Tribes this year please make their way to the ground at the left of the beach."

  Hiccup gulped, nudged Toothless, and stood up. This was it.

  Hiccup was one of the last to get to the ground, which was a large area of wet sand just at the edge of the sea. The boys from his own Tribe were already assembled, their dragons hovering a couple of feet above them.

  107

  Everybody was chattering excitedly, and even Snotlout was looking nervous.

  The Meathead boys and their dragons seemed to be gigantic, rough-looking customers, far tougher than the Hooligans. One in particular was a great hulking brute of a boy, who looked fifteen at least.

  108

  Hiccup presumed he was Thuggory, Chief Mogadon the Meathead's son, because a silver-gray Monstrous Nightmare about three feet tall was perched on one of his shoulders. It was looking at Fireworm like a rottweiler t
hinking evil thoughts.

  Fireworm acted unconcerned.

  "An aristocrat never growls," purred Fireworm sweetly. "You must be one of those mongrel Nightmares. We pure greenbloods descended from th e great Ripperclaw himself would never dream of doing anything so common."

  The silver Nightmare's growling increased in volume.

  The crowd was assembling at the touchline. Hiccup tried not to notice Stoick the Vast blasting his way to the front with great cries of, "Out of my way, I'm a CHIEF."

  "TEN TO ONE MY SON CATCHES MORE FISH THAN YOUR SON IN THIS TEST,"

  boomed Stoick, giving his old enemy Mogadon the Meathead a good prod in the stomach.

  Mogadon the Meathead narrowed his eyes and wondered whether to hit him. Maybe AFTER the Test.

  "And which," asked Mogadon the Meathead, "is

  109

  your son? Is he the tall one who looks like a pig with the skeleton tattoos and the red Monstrous Nightmare?" "Nope," said Stoick happily.

  "That's my brother Baggybum's son. MY SON is that skinny

  one over there with the Toothless Daydream." Mogadon the Meathead broke into a big smile. He slapped Stoick, on the back and yelled, "I TAKE YOUR BET AND DOUBLE IT!" "DONE!" shouted Stoick, and the two great

  chieftains shook hands and bumped bellies on the bet.

  Gobber the Belch was in charge of this final stage of the Initiation Test. He was still looking a bit green from his unpleasant experience in the How Many

  Gulls' Eggs Can You Eat in One Minute? competition.

  This had not improved his temper.

  "ALL RIGHT, YOU 'ORRIBLE LOT!" yelled

  Gobber. "This is where we find out if you are the stuff that Heroes are made of. You will either walk out of this arena full members of the noble Tribes of Hairy

  110

  Hooligans and Merciless Meatheads OR go into miserable exile forever from the Inner Isles. Let's see which it's going to be, shall we?"

  He grinned nastily at the twenty boys standing before him.

  "I shall begin by inspecting you and your animals, as if you were warriors about to go into battle. I shall introduce you to the watching members of the Tribes you hope to enter. Then the Test will begin. You will demonstrate how you have asserted yourselves over these wild creatures and tamed them by the sheer force of your Heroic Personalities.

  "You will start by performing the basic commands of 'go,' 'stay,' and 'fetch.' You will end by ordering your reptile to hunt fish for you, as your forefathers have done before you."

  Hiccup swallowed nervously.

  "The boy and dragon who most impress the judge, and that is ME," -- Gobber bared his teeth grimly -- "will receive the extra glory of being called the Hero of Heroes and Most Promising Dragon. The boys and dragons who FAIL this Test will say farewell to their families forever and leave the Tribe to go, where we do not care." Gobber paused.

  111

  "Poetry," muttered Fishlegs, just loud enough for Gobber to hear. Gobber glared at him.

  "HEROES OR EXILES!" yelled Gobber the Belch.

  "HEROES OR EXILES!" yelled eighteen boys fanatically back at him.

  "HEROES OR EXILES!" yelled the watching Hooligan and Meathead Tribes.

  Please let me be a bit of a Hero, just this once, Hiccup and Fishlegs each thought to themselves. Nothing too spectacular or anything, just to get through this Test.

  "STAND TO ATTENTION, WITH YOUR DRAGONS ON YOUR RIGHT ARMS!" yelled

  Gobber the Belch.

  Gobber walked down the row of boys for the inspection.

  "Beautiful turnout." Gobber congratulated Thuggory the Meathead on his Nightmare dragon, Killer, who spread out his shining wings to show off a wingspan of about four feet.

  Gobber stopped abruptly when he got to Hiccup.

  "And WHAT in the name of Woden," demanded Gobber, blanching a little, "is THIS?"

  112

  "It's a Toothless Daydream, sir," muttered Hiccup.

  "Small but vicious," added Fishlegs, helpfully.

  "Toothless Daydream???" blustered Gobber. "That's the smallest Common or Garden I have ever seen. What do you think I am, an idiot?"

  "No, no, sir," murmured Fishlegs reassuringly, "just a little on the slow side."

  Gobber glowered dangerously.

  "A Toothless Daydream," explained Hiccup, "looks exactly like a Common or Garden except for the characteristic wart on the end of its nose."

  "SILENCE!" said Gobber, in a very loud whisper. "Or I shall throw you all the way to the Mainland. I HOPE," he continued, "that this dragon hunts better than it looks. you and your fishy friend here are the worst candidates for Initiation I have ever had the displeasure of teaching. But you are the future of this Tribe, Hiccup, and if you shame us in front of the Meatheads, I, personally, will never forgive you. Do you understand?"

  Hiccup nodded.

  Each boy then stepped forward to bow and hold up his dragon for the spectators to applaud.

  113

  There was huge clapping for Snotface Snotlout and his dragon, Fireworm, rivaled only by the mighty cheering for Thuggory the Meathead and his dragon, Killer.

  "I give you, last but not least," Gobber the Belch was trying to put a bit of enthusiasm into his yelling, "the fearsome . . . the terrible . . . the only son of Stoick the Vast... HICCUP THE USEFUL AND HIS DRAGON TOOTHFULL!"

  Hiccup stepped forward and held up Toothless as high as he could to make him look a bit bigger.

  There was a slightly appalled silence.

  People had seen dragons this small before, of course, normally scampering about after field mice in the wild, but NOT as noble hunting dragons competing in Initiation.

  "SIZE ISN'T EVERYTHING!" boomed Stoick, so loudly that you could have heard him several beaches away, and he banged his great hands together to start the applause.

  Everyone was terrified of Stoick's famous temper, so they joined in with polite wild cheering.

  Toothless was still in a mood, but he was

  114

  delighted to be the center of attention, and he puffed out his chest and bowed solemnly to left and right.

  A few of the Meatheads snickered.

  I've changed my mind, thought Hiccup, closing his eyes, THIS is the worst moment of my life so far.

  "Okay, Toothless," he whispered into the little dragon's ear, "this is our Big Chance. Catch lots of fish here and I will tell you more jokes than you have ever heard in your life. Which will make that big red Fireworm dragon really cross."

  Toothless took a sideways glance at Fireworm. She was sharpening her nails on Snotlout's helmet with the smug certainty of a dragon who knows she's about to win the prize for Most Promising Dragon.

  "P-PPAKP!"

  The Test began.

  Toothless didn't do too badly in the early obedience exercises, though he clearly thought it was extremely dull. It was now raining quite hard and Toothless hated the rain. He wanted to go home and relax in front of a nice warm fire.

  Fireworm and Killer were "going" and "fetching" as soon as Snotlout and Thuggory commanded, and

  115

  they were diving and breathing out fire as they did so, just to show off. Fireworm did some fancy acrobatic somersaults that had the crowd screaming and stamping their feet.

  "START YOUR HUNTING!" yelled Gobber the Belch.

  Every dragon except Toothless flew out to sea.

  Toothless flapped back to Hiccup's shoulder.

  "T-T-Toothless got a t-t-tummy-aeie," he complained. Hiccup tried not to see his father looking surprised on the sidelines. He tried not to notice the crowd whispering to each other: "That's Stoick's son over there -- no, not the tall one with the skeleton tattoos who looks like a pig, the small skinny one who can't even control his minuscule dragon."

  "Don't forget, Toothless," said Hiccup through gritted teeth, "tie FISH. I'm going to tell you all tie jokes I've ever hearh., remember?" "T-t-tell me NOW," said Toothless.

  Help came from an unexpected q
uarter.

  116

  Snotlout broke off from yelling "KILL, FIREWORM, KILL" to lean over and sneer at Hiccup. "What ARE you doing, Hiccup? You're not TALKING to that newt with wings, are you? Talking to dragons is against the rules and forbidden by order of Stoick the Vast, your wimpy father. ..."

  "N-n-newt with wings?" repeated Toothless. "N-N-NEWT WITH WINGS???"

  "You're not a newt with wings, are you, Toothless?" said Hiccup. "You're tie best hunter in tie world, aren't you?"

  "Too RIGHT I am," said Toothless, grumpily.

  "You SHOW that Snotface Snotlout and Ms snobby dragon what a REAL hunting dragon can do," said Hiccup urgently.

  "OKAY, then," said Toothless.

  Hiccup heaved a huge sigh of relief as Toothless took off in shambolic fashion in the general direction of the sea.

  "This is too good to be true," Hiccup said to himself ten minutes later as Toothless returned from a second trip, clearly too bored for words but dropping a couple of herring at Hiccup's feet. "In about half an

  117

  hour, I, Hiccup, will become a fully paid-up member of the Hairy Hooligan tribe."

  It was too good to be true. Fireworm was just flying back to Snotlout with her twentieth fish, her green cat's eyes snapping with triumph, when Toothless called out:

  "S-s-sloppy. snob."

  Fireworm stopped in mid-air. Her head whipped round, her eyes narrowing.

  "WHAT did you say?" hissed Fireworm.

  "Oh no," said Hiccup. "No, Toothless, no, don't

  do it...."

  "S-s-sloppy. snob," jeered Toothless. "Is that the best you can do? It's p-p-pathetic. Hopeless. U-u-use-iess. You N-N-Nightmares think you're so cruel but you're s-s-sloppy as scallops."