How to Train Your Dragon: How to Cheat a Dragon's Curse Read online

  ‘Fate herself shall decide your Fate,’ said Norbert

  the Nutjob. ‘I shall throw my axe high into the air…

  and if it lands with the golden side burying itself into the

  wood, I shall allow you to live. But if it lands on the dark

  side,’ Norbert the Nutjob stroked the dark side lovingly,

  ‘if it lands on the dark side, I shall kill you with this very

  axe, on the spot. I hope you’re feeling lucky…’

  Norbert stepped back dramatically. He gazed up

  at the heavens…

  ‘COME, GREAT POWERS OF FATE AND

  DESTINY,’ yelled Norbert the Nutjob. ‘I SWEAR

  TO DO AS YOU TELL ME. LIFE OR DEATH?’

  The axe soared towards the ceiling, spinning

  slowly through the air. It began to fall, first the bright

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  side down, then the dark.

  Hiccup was not as tough as the other boys, but

  his eyesight was very good. He could see the axe was

  going to land dark side down, and he leapt in between

  the dark and bright blades, and caught the axe with

  its wooden handle just before the dark side landed in

  the wood.

  The Hysterics gasped.

  High up on a beam in the ceiling, Camicazi

  gasped too.

  Hiccup heaved the axe above his head and drove

  the bright blade deep into the tree trunk.

  ‘BRIGHT SIDE WINS, NORBERT THE

  NUTJOB,’ shouted Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the

  Third, his hands on his hips.

  Nobody knew quite what to do.

  Norbert the Nutjob’s mouth opened and shut

  like a fish out of water.

  ‘You CHEATED!’ screamed Norbert the Nutjob.

  ‘Fate must have let me cheat,’ Hiccup pointed

  out. ‘Now set me free like you promised.’

  Norbert looked as if he was about to explode. He

  was used to terrified adults who cowered down before

  him and his terrible Axe of Fate.

  He WASN’T used to bossy small boys who told

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  him to defrost his Precious Potato, and bury his Papa,

  and caught his Axe before it landed.

  But what if Hiccup was right, and Fate had really

  meant to LET Hiccup cheat?

  Norbert did not dare annoy FATE herself.

  ‘SEIZE HIM!’ screamed Norbert. ‘He can live,

  but he can live out his days in prison! That will teach him

  to shoot arrows at NORBERT THE NUTJOB!’

  Four or five burly Hysterics grabbed Hiccup and

  dragged him to a small cage suspended by a single chain

  from a beam in the rafters above. They pushed him in

  and locked the cage, returning the key to Norbert, who

  put it in his pocket.

  And then the Hysterics forgot about Hiccup, and

  partied long, long into the night, laughing and singing

  and eating and drinking too much.

  Hiccup sat silently in the small cage, trying to

  think of a Cunning Plan to get out of this situation.

  It didn’t look too good.

  Even if he could escape from the locked cage,

  steal the potato and get away without a single Hysteric

  noticing, he could hear some ominous creaking noises

  coming from the ice outside… Loud crackings and

  knockings, like the striking of an enormous sword upon

  a stone.

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  The ice was beginning to melt, and once the

  Doomfang was free again there would be no way out of

  Hysteria…

  As the long night wore on, one by one the

  Hysterics fell asleep in their chairs or on the floor, or, in

  the case of one fat Warrior, on top of the table hugging

  the remains of the roasted boar. Norbert the Nutjob

  slumbered on his throne, his thumb in his mouth,

  cradling his double-headed axe. High up in the ceiling

  of the Great Hall Camicazi was sleeping, clinging to her

  beam like a little black cat. Time ticked on, and Hiccup

  struggled to keep awake, but eventually the gentle

  rocking of the cage, and the cloudy heat and fumes of

  alcohol in the room overpowered him, and he,

  too, nodded off.

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  SQUEALERS

  Squealers are strange

  blobby, slug-like creatures

  who are so lazy they have

  developed an interesting

  method of stunning their prey with a single

  shriek. A pack of Squealers can strip their

  victim to the bone quicker than a shoal of

  piranha fish.

  ~STATISTICS~

  COLOURS: Slug black.

  ARMED WITH: Scream so loud it can

  knock a smaller dragon unconscious.

  Piranha-like jaws and fangs.

  FEAR FACTOR: ......3

  ATTACK: ........3

  SPEED: .............1

  SIZE: ...................2

  DISOBEDIENCE: .......5

  12. WILL TOOTHLESS SAVE

  THE DAY?

  Meanwhile, up on the roof, Toothless and One Eye had

  flapped off and hidden in The American Dream when

  they heard the noise of Hiccup falling into the Onion

  Soup, and the Hysteric Warriors charging outside to look

  for other Assassins.

  When things grew quiet again, they flew back to

  the chimney. Both dragons were cold, hungry and tired.

  One Eye’s eye gleamed golden-yellow in the darkness.

  ‘Shall we leave them?’ One Eye mused to

  himself. ‘It looks like they haven’t found the cure for

  Vorpentitis after all… and I’m not hanging round

  here just to save the skin of a couple of stinking

  Humans…’

  ‘S-s-selfish Humans!’ grumbled Toothless.

  ‘They n-n-never think of poor, cold H-H-H-

  HUNGRY Toothless!’

  One Eye snorted. ‘Well, I don’t blame them

  for that. You’re just a lap-dragon, an overgrown rat.

  And YOU shouldn’t be hungry anyway. Who ate

  all the snacks in the sleigh on the way here I’d like

  to know?

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  ‘… I’ll give them till morning,’ One Eye

  decided, letting the rope attached to his leg flop down

  the chimney and into the Great Hall again, and settling

  himself in the snow to sleep on the roof. ‘My aunt

  Snaggletooth died of Vorpentitis, and it’s a nasty

  way to go.’

  ‘Toothless not s-s-sleeping here!’ moaned

  Toothless, outraged. ‘Iss too cold! Toothless D-D-

  DELICATE, sensitive…’ He checked whether the big

  dragon was really asleep. One Eye gave a deep rumbling

  snore and Toothless carried on, ‘… not like YOU, you

  big, white, gormless mountain gorilla…’

  One Eye’s one eye snapped open, and his big

  Sabre-Tooth jaws lashed out towards Toothless… but

  they shut on thin air, for Toothless had the reflexes

  of a bluebottle, and he had already tumbled down

  through the hole in the roof. Toothless soared into the

  Great Hall, over the heads of the sleeping, mumbling

  Hysterics, and landed on top of Hiccup’s cage. The cage

  swung violently to the right, and Hiccup’s head banged

  sharply on one of the bars, waking him up.

  ‘Ow!’ protested Hiccup, looking straight into the

  upside-down g
reengage eyes of his pet dragon.

  ‘Toothless!’ he whispered joyfully. ‘Thank Thor

  you’re here, you see how right I was to bring you –

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  you can save the day!’

  ‘HA!’ grunted Toothless crossly.

  ‘Just flap over to that big frozen Viking over

  there, will you, and nick the potato, and then we’ll be

  off…’ whispered Hiccup.

  Toothless looked where Hiccup was pointing, to

  Norbert’s Papa, Bigjob, and the casket, and gave a shriek

  of terror.

  ‘S-s-squealers!’ he gasped, and jumped into the

  cage, burying his face in Hiccup’s leg.

  ‘Oh, goodness, yes, I’d forgotten. Squealers can

  kill a dragon as small as you, can’t they?’ remembered

  Hiccup, soothing the little dragon by stroking him on the

  back. ‘OK, DON’T steal the potato, but the key to

  this cage is in Norbert the Nutjob’s pocket, and if you

  could just flap off and get it…’

  But Toothless had smelt the Onion Soup on

  Hiccup’s leg, and he gave it a lick.

  ‘Onion S-s-soup!’ said Toothless accusingly. ‘You

  bin eating Onion S-s-soup!’

  ‘Yes, yes,’ said Hiccup hurriedly, ‘I fell in the

  soup, but about the key—’

  But this was the last straw as far as Toothless was

  concerned. He was FURIOUS, and he swelled up to

  nearly twice the size with anger, and flew out of the cage

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  like an infuriated little balloon.

  ‘SNOT fair! SNOT fair!’ snorted Toothless.

  ‘You been stuffing yourself with Onion S-s-soup and

  poor T-t-toothless STARVING and now you want

  Toothless to f-f-face a whole load of Squealers with

  no food in his t-t-tummy? TYPICAL! Well, you can

  just WAIT, that’s all… Toothless’ll have his supper

  and THEN maybe he’ll help you out…’

  ‘TOOTHLESS!’ whispered Hiccup, as loud as

  he dared, ‘THIS IS IMPORTANT! GET THAT

  KEY RIGHT NOW OR I’LL… I’LL… I’LL…’

  ‘You’ll what?’ jeered Toothless cheekily,

  flapping out of Hiccup’s way as he desperately tried to

  grab Toothless’s tail through the bars of the cage.

  Sticking out his little pink forked tongue,

  Toothless hopped down on to the banqueting tables

  and tucked into the roast buffalo pie, ignoring Hiccup’s

  furious, frustrated whispers from the cage swinging a

  couple of metres above.

  ‘Toothless can’t hear!’ sang Toothless through

  a mouthful of pumpkin. ‘Got s-s-something in his ear!

  Oooooh, that rhymes… Toothless ca-a-an’t he-ar, got

  something in his e-ar! Toothless ca-a-an’t he-ar, got

  something in his e-ar!’

  And for the next five minutes, Toothless

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  pretended to be quite deaf, and took his time hopping

  from plate to plate, gorging himself on deep-fried

  mackerel, turkey wings and sweetcorn fritters.

  Eventually, he swallowed the last

  remains of the pie, took a big swig of the Home-made

  Nettle Champagne, burped and rubbed his stomach

  contentedly.

  ‘That’s b-b-better. Toothless can hear now.

  Wossat you saying?’

  ‘WILL YOU GET THAT KEY FROM

  NORBERT THE NUTJOB’S POCKET BEFORE

  HE MURDERS THE LOT OF US?’ hissed Hiccup

  at the top of his whisper.

  ‘S-s-say pretty please…’ sang Toothless.

  ‘Pretty please,’ whispered Hiccup through

  gritted teeth.

  ‘OK, OK, keep your hair on,’ said Toothless,

  and he took off (rather wobbly, because he had eaten so

  much), and crashlanded on Norbert the Nutjob’s chest.

  Luckily, Norbert was so dead to the world he merely

  grunted, and hugged his axe a little closer.

  Giggling, Toothless snipped off both of Norbert

  the Nutjob’s fancy moustaches with two bites of his

  sharp little gums, and then he staggered into Norbert’s

  pocket and pulled out the key.

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  Toothless marched

  across the banqueting table with

  the key in his mouth, spitting it out every now and then to

  make pointed remarks to Hiccup.

  ‘Is TYPICAL,’ snorted Toothless. ‘T-t-typical.

  Poor old starving T-t-toothless, woken up from his H-

  h-hibernation Nap just to save the day YET AGAIN.’

  Toothless put the key back in his mouth, and this

  time, his large, overfull belly prevented him from seeing

  exactly where he was putting his feet, and he tripped over

  a knife lying in the middle of the table.

  Toothless lurched forwards, knocking a candle

  off the table and on to the floor, where it promptly set

  fire to a polar bear rug. He did a couple of somersaults,

  spinning over and over until he landed bottom first in

  the wild boar stew and… swallowed the key.

  ‘G-g-gulp…’ said Toothless.

  13. THE GREAT POTATO

  BURGLARY

  ‘AAAARGH!’ raged Hiccup, shaking the bars of his

  cage. ‘Typical! Five minutes ago I was just locked in

  a cage in a room full of Hysteric Warriors. NOW

  you’ve swallowed the key and set fire to the room!

  Flap up and wake up Camicazi and then PUT OUT

  THAT FIRE!’

  ‘S-s-say pretty please…’ choked Toothless

  defiantly.

  ‘PRETTY PLEASE!’ howled Hiccup in the

  loudest whisper he could whisper.

  Toothless flew unsteadily up to the beam where

  Camicazi was sleeping, and woke her up by shrieking

  softly, ‘No key! No key!’ in her ear, before flying back to

  deal with the fire.

  Camicazi took charge of the situation from

  the moment she opened her eyes. She got up, calmly

  balancing on the beam, for all the world as if she was

  safely down on the ground rather than almost twenty

  metres up in the air.

  She unwound another rope from around her

  waist, and threw the metal end of it so that it wrapped

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  around the beam from which Hiccup’s cage was

  suspended. She pulled to check it was secure, and then

  swung out, clinging to the rope, and landed on the top of

  Hiccup’s cage.

  Camicazi wriggled down the outside of the cage, and

  looked hard at the lock on the door. She felt in her pocket

  and brought out a long pin-like instrument, and stuck it in

  the lock, wiggling it expertly from side to side.

  ‘That was so brave of you!’ she whispered. ‘For

  a boy of course… Leaping down into the soup like that!

  We’d NEVER have found out where they kept the potato

  if you hadn’t done that…’

  Hiccup considered telling her it had all been a total

  accident, and then thought better of it. ‘Oh, you know…’

  he whispered modestly back. ‘It was nothing. I do that

  kind of… leaping all the time. What are you doing?’

  ‘Picking the lock,’ replied Camicazi airily. ‘Locks

  are nothing to us Bog-Burglars… no prisons can hold us.

  We’re as wriggly as eels. We’re as jumpy as crickets.’
<
br />   The lock suddenly clicked loudly, and the door of

  Hiccup’s cage swung open.

  ‘Your exit, my lord,’ grinned Camicazi.

  Hiccup scrambled out of the cage, and dropped

  down on to the banqueting table below, unable to believe

  his luck.

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  ‘And now,’ frowned Camicazi, ‘for the Vegetable-

  that-No-one-Dares-Name. We haven’t got a lot of time.’

  Indeed they hadn’t.

  Toothless had tried to snuff out the fire on the

  polar bear rug by smothering it with his wings, and

  when that didn’t work, he threw Home-made Nettle

  Champagne on it.

  The flames sprang up a metre high and the fire

  spread to a nearby chair.

  ‘Oh d-d-dear!’ wailed Toothless. ‘Toothless m-m-

  messed up… all Toothless’s fault… ohdearohdear…’

  ‘Toothless,’ Hiccup ordered, ‘stop making that

  fire WORSE and come over here. We’re going to need

  YOUR help to steal the potato.’

  Toothless flapped over, his guilt making him

  unexpectedly obedient.

  ‘I want you to melt the ice in the casket,’ said

  Hiccup.

  ‘B-b-but the Squealers?’ whimpered Toothless.

  Hiccup wound his scarf around the little dragon’s

  ears, to act as earplugs.

  ‘Wait until Toothless has finished melting the ice,

  just in case you DO set off the Squealers,’ he explained to

  Camicazi. ‘The sound could STUN a dragon as titchy as

  Toothless if he’s too close.’

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  ‘T-t-titchy?’ huffed Toothless. ‘Toothless not

  like the word TITCHY.’

  ‘You’re looking at the burglary EXPERT,’ said

  Camicazi. ‘There’s no way I’m going to set off those

  Squealers.’

  By some miracle, all the Hysterics were so dead

  to the world that not even all this noise and commotion,

  and a large fire blazing in the middle of their Great Hall,

  had woken them up. They snored on, oblivious.

  Trembling with terror (and flying rather erratically

  because he was weighed down by his fur coat, his large

  meal, and the scarf around his head that was slipping