How to Speak Dragonese Read online

  "What were you expecting?" asked Hiccup. "A Seadragonus Giganticus Maximus? Hang on, Toothless... what are you doing?"

  Toothless was stalking Ziggerastica like a cat following a mouse.

  "Toothless, STOP!" yelled Hiccup. "You mustn't eat him, he's our only chance of getting out of here alive!"

  But Toothless hadn't had the pleasure of hunting for a couple of weeks now. He chased a shrieking Ziggerastica all around the room until he finally trapped him in a corner of the ceiling and closed his jaws around him.

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  Toothless hovered just out of reach, one cheek bulging, and Ziggerastica's furiously swinging tail trailing out of his mouth.

  "SPIT HIM OUT!" howled Hiccup, frantically jumping up and trying to grab Toothless by the tail. "I mean it, Toothless, this is not a game -- our lives depend on that nanodragon!"

  Toothless shot him a naughty look and dodged to the other corner of the room.

  The others joined in the chase, leaping after Toothless as he swooped from one side of the ceiling to the other, squealing with delight.

  Camicazi climbed onto Fishlegs's shoulders, while Hiccup got on a chair and tried to sweep Toothless in her direction with a broom.

  [Image: Dragons.]

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  Unfortunately, Hiccup missed, and the brush cannoned into Camicazi and Fishlegs, who then knocked over the chair Hiccup was standing on and they all landed in a heap on the floor.

  Toothless somersaulted across the ceiling in his glee. He laughed so hard he nearly dropped Ziggerastica. He hadn't had so much fun in ages.

  "OK," said Hiccup under his breath to the other two, "I've got a new tactic here ...

  [Image: Men and a woman.]

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  "We don't have time for this nonsense," Hiccup said loudly. "Just ignore Toothless and everybody gather round me while I tell you our plan ..."

  "Oh, I get it," said Fishlegs.

  Fishlegs and Camicazi got into a huddle around Hiccup, who started whispering loudly.

  Toothless remained on the ceiling, making rude raspberry noises.

  Nobody paid him any attention.

  Eventually Toothless's curiosity got the better of him, and he flapped down to see if he could hear what was being said -- and Camicazi leaped out of the huddle and grabbed him.

  "HA!" said Hiccup triumphantly, looking sternly down on the struggling little dragon. "Now, Toothless, DROP IT."

  Toothless crossed his eyes and made a gulping noise with his throat as if he was swallowing ...

  "AAAAAAARGH!" screamed Hiccup.

  Toothless spat Ziggerastica onto the floor.

  "Only j-j-joking," he said.

  Ziggerastica was FURIOUS.

  Hiccup put him carefully on the table and for five minutes he refused to say anything at all,

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  concentrating on shaking out his wings and removing Toothless's saliva.

  "I am SO sorry about Toothless, Your Highness," said Hiccup, thinking that a little flattery might be necessary.

  Ziggerastica's voice was icy. "If I didn't owe you a favor O-Boy-With-Legs-Like-a-Heron," he spat, "that dragon would be history..."

  Toothless laughed scornfully. "What you g-g-gonna do, tough guy? T-t-tickle Toothless to d-d-death?" "Shut up, Toothless," said Hiccup. "Thank you for coming Ziggerastica. And for looking so very, VERY handsome as well, if I may say so ...You have such kingly legs..."

  [Image: Men and a woman.]

  Ziggerastica looked

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  slightly less cross. He admired his own royal knees with approval.

  "And your wings! The finest I have ever seen! I'll explain what I would like Your Highness to do..."

  Hiccup told the nanodragon his cunning but truly desperate plan.

  The nanodragon was silent for a moment.

  "That," he said at last, "is a truly terrible plan." "T-t-told you," said Toothless. "H-h-hiccup's plans are always terrible..."

  "You're still alive, aren't you?" retorted Hiccup.

  "Also," said the nanodragon, "that is actually two favors, and I have offered you only one."

  "Think how cross the Fat Consul will be ..." pleaded Hiccup.

  The nanodragon thought about that. He shook out his black and red spotty wings, and Hiccup began to see the suggestion of a smile on his tiny face.

  "Ok," said Ziggerastica, "I'll do it. But don't blame me if it fails...By the way, O-Boy-With-a-Small-Potato, your friends are even uglier than you are! Where did you find these people? Never in my life have I seen anybody who looks so much like a lemon sole..." He pointed rudely at Fishlegs with one wing.

  And with that the little nanodragon gave a self-

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  important wriggle of his behind and flew out the window.

  "Did he agree to carry out your plan?" asked Camicazi.

  Hiccup nodded, trying to look confident to keep everybody's hopes up.

  "The thing is," he said, "I don't think in this kind of weather they'll be able to hold those Games tomorrow anyway. I've seen the arena from the window, and it's knee-deep in water -- the ground is far too wet and slippy for gladiatorial combat. With any luck the rain will make them cancel the whole thing."

  [Image: A building.]

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  17. THE CIRCUS ON SATURN'S DAY SATURDAY

  The next day was Saturn's day Saturday. For the first time in a week the wind dropped and the clouds cleared. It was a glorious day for a celebration, the sky a bright blue with not a breath of rain. From about ten o'clock in the morning Hiccup watched the stadium being prepared for the circus. The stands were hung with Roman flags. Tents and cushions were laid out in the Consul's seating area. Metal nets were set up across the top and insides of the amphitheater to prevent the performing dragons from escaping or attacking the audience.

  The stands of the amphitheater began to fill up with spectators, anxious to get a good view. They were mostly soldiers, cooks and carpenters, given the day off for the national holiday. They could buy food and wine within the amphitheater to while away the hours, so, by early afternoon, when the performances began, the atmosphere was very lively, everybody singing songs and even dancing on the seats.

  At two o'clock exactly the trumpeters came out

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  onto the Consul's Pavilion, the luxury covered area which was draped with Roman flags and Imperial Standards. They blew an impressive fanfare, and everyone stood up and fell silent as the Consul's party entered the stadium. The Fat Consul came first,

  [Image: The Great Amphitheatre with wire netting set over the arena water flooding in.]

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  waddling very slowly with a slave at each elbow and one to carry his stomach. He had to stop every couple of steps to catch his breath.

  He wasn't looking too good. The Fat Consul was covered from head to toe in ugly red rashes and eczema weals. Once the slaves had got him seated, they took turns scratching different parts of his body with an instrument like a large fork, and this seemed to give him some relief, but judging from his restless wriggling and scratching he was still in considerable discomfort.

  He was eating a light snack of double reptoburger with tomato-and-dormouse relish and popdragons on the side.

  Alvin the Treacherous sat beside him in the Pavilion. In time to another trumpet fanfare two slaves brought in the Ceremonial Shield of the Legion, gorgeously decorated with a golden eagle carrying a fish. Alvin the Treacherous banged the Ceremonial Shield three times with his hook.

  "I officially declare these Saturn's day Saturday Games OPEN," shouted Alvin the Treacherous. "Friends and fellow Romans ... Watch our Circus and marvel at the glory of the

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  Roman Empire! Your entertainment this afternoon is called THE SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST ..."

  The audience clapped wildly.

  Three hundred beautiful doves, dyed every color of the rainbow, were released into the arena. The doves fluttered through the stadium, cooi
ng to each other.

  Suddenly the barred gates opened and the coos of the doves turned to cries of alarm. To the cheers and catcalls of the audience, fifty little Sidewinder dragons came slithering through the dust into the arena, their greengage eyes glistening greedily.

  The Sidewinders were not large but they were vicious pack hunters. They were also chameleons. Every one of them was exactly the color of the dust it was lying in.

  The doves desperately threw themselves against the metal nets covering the amphitheater, but there was no escape for them.

  The Sidewinders crept into the air like an army of cats stalking sparrows. As they rose up they gradually turned as pale blue as the sky above them, and the doves flew desperately hither and thither in confusion, until the leader of the Sidewinders gave the signal to attack.

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  Less than sixty seconds later the air was filled with blood and multi-colored feathers and there was not a dove left alive in that stadium.

  The Sidewinders celebrated by turning the color of the dove they had just eaten. They made a glorious multicolored sight, swooping and shrieking through the air in victory rolls, singing a song of praise and thanks for the meal they had been given.

  And then the barred gates opened again, the Song of the Sidewinders stopped abruptly and they instantly turned the color of the sky again. Now it was they who were throwing themselves at the metal nets above them and finding they were trapped.

  For creeping into the arena came twenty heavily armored black Flashfangs, their razor-sharp teeth glistening in the sunshine, their talons making slashing patterns in the dust. The audience laughed cruelly at the fear of the Sidewinders, who seconds ago were the hunters and had now become the prey.

  From his barred window high up in the Tower, Hiccup could watch no longer. He knew that a Sidewinder was no match for a Flashfang. He stepped away from the window with a heavy sigh.

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  Toothless had taken one look at the Flashfangs and was now hiding in Hiccup's shirt.

  The door of their prison cell opened with a crash. The First Kidnapper stepped in, followed by twenty heavily armed soldiers.

  "Is the timings for your big day in the Circus," beamed the First Kidnapper.

  "Here goes..." said Camicazi grimly. "Let us face certain death like HEROES." ' "It isn't certain death," protested Hiccup. "Don't forget my plan ..."

  "Would that be the plan where we get rescued at the last minute by a dragon the size of an amoeba?" asked Fishlegs.

  The soldiers led the boys down from the Tower, across several courtyards and then down many long flights of steps so slippery Hiccup fell and grazed his calf. The steps ended in an underground chamber, where a Viking boat was tethered on the ground. On one side of the boat was painted its name: The Valhalla Express.

  The chamber was beginning to fill with water -- a dam in one of the chamber walls was open, and seawater was flooding in.

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  "Please to jump in," grinned the First Kidnapper.

  Camicazi was astonished. "Are they setting us free, do you think?" she asked Hiccup.

  "No chance," replied Hiccup grimly. "Look, they've half opened the gates of the dam ... They think the ground isn't suitable for fighting on, like I said last night, so they're flooding the stadium. I thought they might do this ... We're going to be part of a Sea-Battle for the entertainment of those Romans."

  "What about the F-F-Flashfangs?" asked Toothless from somewhere inside Hiccup's shirt.

  "Tie water will kill the Flashfangs," said Hiccup. "Flashfangs can't swim... So who will WE be fighting, then? I suppose they'll put in a boat full of Roman gladiators -- I've heard about these Sea-Battles."

  The First Kidnapper laughed. "Waitings and seeings," he said. The three Vikings and Toothless were now all aboard, the underground chamber was half full with water and the boat was bobbing clear of the ground. The Kidnapper gave them a cheery wave goodbye and cut the rope that moored The Valhalla Express to the dock.

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  18. THE VALHALLA EXPRESS

  The Valhalla Express shot off down the tunnel, carried by the strong current of water.

  The tunnel ended in a gate that led into the stadium. The gate was open and The Valhalla Express sailed into the central arena, now filled with three meters of water. Massive cheers rocked the stadium.

  "FRIENDS AND FELLOW ROMANS!" yelled Alvin the Treacherous from the Consul's Pavilion. "I GIVE YOU THE VALHALLA EXPRESS, THE HEIRS OF THE LOCAL VIKING TRIBES, AND THEIR PATHETIC CHAMPION DRAGON, TOOTHLESS, WHO WILL FOREVER REGRET THE POO HE DID IN MY HELMET."

  Always delighted to be the center of attention, Toothless crept out from Hiccup's shirt. He bowed From side to side and performed a couple of somersaults to huge cheering from the crowd. He had no idea they were laughing at how small he was, and he puffed out his little chest and threw out a few flames and his rooster cry of self-congratulation.

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  "Now why," said Hiccup, frowning to himself as he trailed one hand in the water, "why is this water so warm? I suppose it's from the Consul's swimming pool..."

  Camicazi drew her sword, Invincible, with a flourish. "LAUGH at us, would you, you Latin cowards?" she cried. "Come down here if you dare and we'll see who's laughing then, shall we, you dragon-eating, lily-livered BABIES ..."

  The crowd positively SCREAMED with laughter at this. "Look!" they cried, slapping each other on the back and sending their dragons'-toes popcorn flying. "It's a little GIRL Viking! The Vikings are so weak they have GIRLS for Heirs! This is too funny for words..."

  Camicazi couldn't understand Latin but she could guess what they were saying. She turned as red as a lobster and yelled at the top of her voice, "I'LL KILL THE LOT OF YOU! I'LL UNZIP YOU FROM YOUR BREADBASKETS TO YOUR FOOD-GARGLERS! COME DOWN AND SEE HOW A GIRL FIGHTS IF YOU DARE!"

  The crowd only laughed the louder.

  "Let's get on with it, Alvin!" Hiccup called

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  out. "Bring out your gladiators and we'll do our best!"

  "Yes, do get on with it, Prefect," yawned the Fat Consul. "I want to see the little Berserk go Berserk ... and this famous warrior in action ..."

  "HICCUP HORRENDOUS HADDOCK THE THIRD!" shouted Alvin. "PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM! SOLDIERS, OPEN THE TUNNEL!"

  With a creak the portcullis covering a tunnel to their left began to slide upward ...

  [Image: Men and a woman.]

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  19. AAAAAAARGH!

  The tunnel was open, but there was no sign of any Roman ships packed with heavily armed gladiators.

  "What's going on?" shrieked Fishlegs. "Where are the gladiators?"

  Hiccup was staring intently at the tunnel. There still seemed to be nothing going on down there. All that came out of it were four long, dark waves -- no more threatening than ripples, really.

  The ripples curled sinuously into the stadium. Slowly, languorously, they began to circle the ship.

  That's strange, thought Hiccup, and just as he was staring closely at one of the dark ripples, something neat and sharp cut through the surface of the water...

  It was a black fin, with serrated edges like a bread knife.

  [Image: A jail.]

  "SHARKWORMS !!!" yelled Fishlegs. "I knew it! I just knew it! I knew we were going to

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  bump into those monsters at some point..."

  "YOU SEE, WE HAVEN'T GOT GLADIATORS FOR YOU TODAY," Alvin shouted down, from the safety of his balcony. "YOU ARE KNOWN IN THESE PARTS, HICCUP, AS SOMETHING OF A DRAGON-TRAINER - LET'S SEE HOW YOU DO AT TRAINING THESE LITTLE BEAUTIES ..."

  "Is this part of your plan?" asked Camicazi hopefully.

  "Not exactly," admitted Hiccup. "I was expecting gladiators -- it is a gladiator show, after all..."

  "Can you

  [Image: A dragon.]

  [Image: Men and a woman.]

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  TRAIN them?" asked Camicazi.

  "What, in the next sixty seconds?" asked Hiccup. "
Not likely. Besides,

  Sharkworms are unattainable. The important point is -- has anybody got a cut?"

  "You have," Fishlegs pointed out. "You fell over on the steps, remember?"

  "Great," said Hiccup, glancing at the long graze on his shin. "Our lucky day. So, there's only one thing to do. Nobody panic and I'll call for ... ZIGGERASTICA!"

  Nothing happened.

  The ripples had now turned into four

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  Sharkworm fins, and they were circling nearer and nearer, closing in on the boat.

  "ZIGGERASTICA!" screamed the Vikings all at once.

  There was a streak of black and red and the tiny nanodragon appeared out of nowhere and landed on Camicazi's head.

  "You called?" said Ziggerastica.

  "About time too!" said Hiccup. "How is plan going?"

  "It's a terrible plan," said Ziggerastica, "but so far the plan is going to plan, so to speak..."

  "Everybody else, leave me!" urged Hiccup. "Roll me into that barrel over there and throw me over the side!"

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  "What about the plan?" asked Fishlegs. "This is the plan," Hiccup replied.

  "Oh, I see," said Fishlegs. "When you said 'desperate plan' you meant really desperate ..."

  "That barrel won't protect you from the Sharkworms!" protested Camicazi. "Will you stop arguing and just do what I ask?" raged Hiccup. "We're running out of time -- those Sharkworms are going to climb on board any minute! It's me and my cut that they're really after ..."